The following post was inspired by a conversation with The Necromancer
For many years my deepest desire was enlightenment.
To this aim, I would spend large chunks of time meditating or in solitude, hour after hour, day after day, week after week, month after month.
Then, one night completely out-of-the-blue something happened.
But what occurred, bore no resemblance to what I originally hoped might happen.
Previously, I had thought that enlightenment would be achieving a quiet mind, a harmonious mind, attaining some state of bliss or happiness, or being able at will to control or manipulate mind to this end.
However, what took place, and I use the word enlightenment very reluctantly (with the rider it means 100 things to 100 people) as one has no way of knowing anything about ‘it’ at all because ‘you’ is not, and thus ‘that state’ is actually no state of mind at all.
(Perhaps naturalness is a better description, but then that word has its varied connotations too.)
After this event I observed that this naturalness had become the default setting. Thought had receded completely into the background until the demand was there, that is, when thought was needed to perform some activity, etc, it would come to the fore for the duration of the function it was needed, and then burn up of its own volition.
So ‘it’ was/is not a thoughtless state; thought comes and goes as necessary but the desire to do anything about the movement of thought, had ceased. It (thought) happened as it happened. All the previous efforts to find enlightenment, bliss, Truth, whatever came to a permanent end.
One could say there were thoughts when needed, but they were not ‘my thoughts’ or ‘your thoughts’, nor my mind or your mind.
For what its worth, if I was to speculate I could theorise that ‘mind’ is the totality of all that has been known, felt and experienced by mankind, and ones thoughts reflect ones ‘connection’ to but part of this totality of ‘mind’, as dictated by individual background – ie – schooling, culture, nationality, wealth, career, society, religion, spirituality, etc, etc.
Furthermore, I feel enlightenment is physiological not psychological. One could even say that there is no such thing as enlightenment as the organism is already enlightened, its just that the separateness thought establishes is the barrier, unless there is some powerful change.
In my opinion what happened was a change in brain wiring, an alteration in the neurology of the organism at a biological level.
In hindsight, I believe that naturalness occurred in spite of the meditation, or even if it did play some role (and one could not definitively say) it was not in taming mind, or controlling thought, or accessing higher dimensions of mind. If anything, the long and continued periods of meditation caused a stress or tension on the organism, and it was this that facilitated a change to the neurological wiring in the brain. The change was a biological surrender, not something that I thought I would do, but rather the organism as a whole dictated thus.